Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I don't want to get up

I get mildly depressed.  I am fortunate really, I have never been suicidal or felt complete despair.

When I am depressed:

  •  everything seems dimmer, it's as if the colour has been removed.

  •  I have a physical ache around my heart, I am tearful 
  •  When my family are laughing and joking I battle to feel the fun.
  •  I don't want to do anything.

Winter aggravates my depression, May to August are difficult months from me.  I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

I think it is psychologically affected by the fact that 14 years ago I moved to Johannesburg in the middle of winter from a very hot climate.  I went through the most traumatic experience of my life.  I associate winter in Johannesburg with this trauma.  It also does not help that Johannesburg is very bleak in the winter.  Johannesburg does not get rain in winter and there is a lot of frost.  Below is a willow tree that we could see from the house we used to live in. See the contrast between summer and winter.

Michael and I were married under this tree

I am going through a bad spell at the moment.

When I am going through these spells I think of the song, "Aint no sunshine when she's gone away"

A part of me is gone away.  Which version do you like the most Bill Withers or Lenny Kravitz?  I like both equally Lenny has the plus of being super smexy.


  1. Love and hugs xxx that's a beautiful photo of you.

  2. I certainly know this feeling. Not despair, just don't want to get out of bed sometimes. It passes, but never fast enough. I'm sure you're right about the psychological factor involved. Knowing that often doesn't dispel the feelings, unfortunately. I'm sending you well wishes and cyber hugs. I hadn't heard Lenny Kravitz' cover of the song until today. Before I listened I thought.. no way could anyone live up to Bill Withers. But, in fact, I liked it a lot. I'm glad you linked it. Cheers, Vivi - thinking of you!

  3. Its true Steph even though I can rationalise what is causing my feelings it does not pick me up. I am going to try a herbal medication that helped Michael through a rough patch, hopefully soon I wont be feeling like this anymore.