Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Can't rationalise the blues

My brain tells me that I have nothing to be sorry for myself about but my emotions don't seem to work with any logic in mind.

I am BLUE.

My brain keeps telling me about the good things in my life.

But the rest of me won't listen.

This pain is almost physical like a heart ache.

I know I am loved, I know I am fortunate, I know I have it much better than most but the reasoning does not  comfort.

I have been down this road many times.  A day or two and my feelings will become reasonable again.

Michael asks me why I am sad.

I say that I don't know.

When we were first together this would bother him.  He tried desperately to understand.  He was convinced there had to be a reason.

He shrugs his shoulders now and says:

"One thing for sure is I am never going to understand women."

Then he makes me treats and puts comedies on for me to watch.


  1. Then he makes you treats and puts comedies on - that's a good guy. My ex rarely made an effort to understand my bouts of anxiety. It's a strange life isn't it when we can be sad for no reason. Though, really we find ample reason every time we turn on the news of the world. It sounds as if you have it under control and just go with it. That's what I generally do as well. Thinking about you, Viv, and wishing you well! I'll make myself a treat with you in mind.

  2. Rachel thanks for the nice comment, I accidentally deleted it.

  3. Your honesty on your blog about your emotions inspires me! I went through bouts of depression, and over time I could not get a handle on it. I had to try many different things to get better, but most importantly, I had to be honest with myself, first. Sounds like you are able to do that. And maybe it's those "blue feelings" that makes us better writers! My hubby was able to give me the space I needed, no treats though! LOL! (I really enjoyed your book At Home Against the Divide and reviewed on Amazon for you : )

  4. Thanks Lisa, for both the review and the lovely comment.