Spam filters are too good these days so one hardly ever trickles through.
When I am feeling down, all I have to do is go to the magical land of Spam Mail and I instantly feel better.
I imagine how I would respond to the spam emails.
I was wondering if I would cope if, I still followed the rule that it is good manners to answer every mail.
I received this one today: Ideal ways to please your girl.
Now this is how I would reply:
Thank you for your kind mail, however I need to point out that I do not have a girl that I sexually please as I am a heterosexual woman....
Then I received this one:
I am Barrister John Smith, a Mr Pitschlitz who was residing in Barbados has passed away and we are trying to locate his relatives as there is a sizable inheritance....
Dear Barrister John Smith,
It is so strange to find out another living Pitschlitz in the world as you see there are only seven living people in the world with the surname and none of them had sons. Please send photos of him we would love to see what he looked like. Did he keep a diary? We would love to find out why we could not locate him all these years.......
Then I start correcting the spelling and grammar of the spam emails.
So much fun half the time they cannot even spell classic names correctly. I often get emails from Egar Hoover.
I have been tempted to send the following email:
I wish to point out to you that you are spelling Egar incorrectly, it is Edgar Hoover. Considering that he was head of the CIA and very known world wide using his name may not be best for your scam to work. You may also want to consider using spell check occasionally, however if you have managed to scam anybody out of their money with your terrible usage of grammar and spelling then I would like to say they deserved to be scammed.
Then there are those competitions and desperate people who need me to relieve them of their millions.
For a moment I can pretend those emails are real and that some obscure lottery/company/compassionate fund/dead dictator's widow, has randomly chosen me to unload gazzilions upon.
Spammers prey on the desperate, gullible and stupid. They remind me of the old time con artists: