How to make an Action movie

There is a basic formula so this is really easy but if you were thinking of making an Action Movie,  I thought I would help you out with the basics.

1.        The hero – the hero does not have to be handsome, this is not a chick flick but behalf of my husband and other not so metro sexual men please make sure he is not a dork and try to find somebody that is built like Arnie.  He does not have to be very vocal, when his family get killed at the beginning of the movie you can use onions to try and get him to shed a tear but he may just be so tough that the onion begins to cry.  For most of the movie he just needs to make grunting noises but he does need the epic action movie line, such as “Do you feel lucky” “That is not a gun, this is a gun” “I am all out of gum”.  Before casting anybody make sure they will manage the line.

2.       The plot – in the beginning of the movie the bad guy kills the heroes family /wife /girlfriend /parents /children.  For the rest of the movie our hero goes around racing in fast cars that blow up when they crash, jumping out of aeroplanes without parashoots, running on the top of trains, hanging on to the bottom of a speeding truck with only his teeth, while fighting the bad guy’s henchmen.  He meets a beautiful girl who keeps insisting on going with him to dangerous places and close to the end of the movie the bad guy captures her. Our hero is able to fight off entire armies against impossible odds to save the babe (which he could not do for his wife and family.) In the last scene of an action movie the very last guy that the hero fights is the bad guy.  The hero wins and walks away with the beautiful babe.

3.       The bad guy is usually ugly or creepy looking or both.  The bad guy does not have to be large and strong but he does need to have a eerie leer.  Bad guys need to be able to say many more lines as they have to taunt the hero throughout the movie.

4.       The babe, she needs to be pretty and usually very chatty, to fill up time on the movie between car chases, fights and things blowing up.