Take my money damn you

Every day I win:

·         The UK lottery

·         The Olympics lottery

·         The Nokia cell phone holder lottery

·         The internet random web address draw

And I am the beneficiary of:

·         Of an unnamed relative and strangely they dont seem to have my name either

·         Or a relative with my surname who, nobody knows of who died in some strange country and even though I have many older siblings, he singled me the youngest of 5 children out as the beneficiary (boy I am lucky)

Or

·         The WWF , IMF or the FFIGK wants to donate money to me because they feel I am a deserving party.

Or

·         Some man or woman was married to some man or woman that was a president or something very high up.   They have chosen me as a reliable and trust worthy person to accept all the money that they have in the world (usually billions of US dollars).  All I need to do is provide my banking details so that they can send all their money to me.

Strangely enough I am still broke and none of the above people have sent me a dime yet, but I can still live in hope.

What tickles me pink is the following thought.

Imagine I work for a genuine agency that helps allocate genuine inheritance to people across the globe.

After months of research I finally find an heir to the deceased.

So I email the person explaining that their uncle passed away.

The response that I get is:

“Fuck off, I am so tired of you Nigerians.”

My response:

“I understand that you would think that this is one of those scams but please look up our website at...., and google our firm for reassurance”

The response:

“Again Fuck off I can make up a legit looking website in my sleep”

It’s like that Candid camera show where the guy tries to give people money on the street, no strings attached.  He genuinely battles to get anybody to accept the money.