Time to stop whispering

At a certain age people lose the ability to whisper.

Ten years ago I realised my Mom had reached that point.

At this stage I was single. I had not met Michael yet and I had been divorced for about 2 years.

My Mom and I went to a function together.

A man that I barely knew greeted us and showed us to our seats.

With this man standing less than a meter away from us my Mom thought she was whispering:

“He is very attractive, is he single?”

Instead she practically shouted:

“HE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE, IS HE SINGLE?”

I instantly turned crimson and as nonchalantly as I could muster, I replied:

“I don’t know Mommy”

Our boss is in his late 60’s and has also lost the ability to whisper.

Last year we went for an end of the year lunch with him.

We were sitting about 2 meters away from the owner of the restaurant.

Our boss decided to tell us about him:

“HE IS SUCH A FAT PIG JUST SITS THERE ON HIS CHAIR AND EATS AND EATS ALL DAY.  SO HORRIBLE TO HIS WIFE SITS AND SHOUTS AT HER NON STOP AND SHE DOES ALL THE WORK.”

We just hope that he did not spit in our food.

My Mom was telling me about an elderly woman in her church who thought that she was mumbling to herself:

“WHY IS THAT WOMAN SINGING HER VOICE IS TERRIBLE  - OR – MARY IS WEARING A REALLY UGLY DRESS”

My Mom managed to hold her laughter in but not the “tears of mirth”.

After the service a friend came over to her observing the tears:

“I also found the sermon was very moving today.”