Friday, August 31, 2012

Rich for a day or two or three

Michael and I work for the same company.

Because the bank will eat it all, Michael's salary gets paid into my account and then I transfer out some to his account to be eaten.

We usually get paid late, at times up to a week late. When its late I put my phone on silent and watch it vibrate hysterically every five minutes.  At times I forget and answer my phone then the conversation goes like this:

Debt collector person:

"Good day I need to speak to miss Veeveeeayn Titsshitz"

(Technically I could due to the horrible pronunciation say that this is not me)

Me in a little squeaky voice:

"Yes that is me"

Then they say for security reasons this call will be recorded blah blah.

Debt collector person:

"We have noticed that you have not paid your account as promised on ..."

At this point I would love to feign surprise.


"My salary is not in yet I apologise I will pay as soon as it is in."

Debt collector person:

"When will you be paying."


"When my salary is in."

Debt collector person:

"When will that be?"


What I want to say is, "Do you have a crystal ball for me?"

Instead I say, "I don't know."

Now debt collector thinks I must be psychic,

"Mam, I need a date."

I have learned that no matter how much you insist your psychic powers are not working,  I mean DUH I would have won the lotto if they were and then we would not be having this conversation, they want a date, any date, so I simply give a date a week later.

The past two months we have received our salaries early!  You would think this is great but now I am not so sure.  I look at the lovely balance that does not belong to us.  I hang onto it for a few days leaving those payments to the last minute, it is good to be rich for a few days.

Before the Zimbabwean dollar was completely done away with, my Zimbabwean friend, David would brag that he had been a millionaire many times over.  What he failed to tell you is that you could hardly by a loaf of bread with a million zim dollars.


  1. Reminds me a bit of an Andy Capp cartoon that I once saw.....the rent collector arrived at the door, rang the bell a few times, then opened the letter flap and yelled "RENT" to which Andy Capp replied "SPENT"

    Money is a very strange commodity, you can never really have enough. Take for instance Bill Gates......does he sit back and say "I don"t want more money" not a chance!!

    Another strange thing about money (serious money) is that it attracts more money, must be some sort of weird cosmic force.

    The strangest thing about money, is that it seems to have magnetic properties, consider this scenario, you win the big thing you have so many new friends, you have distant relatives phoning you and fondly enquiring about your health and well being, and also by some strange force, hundreds of charities will contact you.

    Just a personal observation, they say that money can't make you happy....but I am fully prepared to take that chance!

  2. I like shaz's comment. While it's true you can never have enough, it would be nice if you had just enough to hold the debt collectors at bay. And I wonder where anyone ever got the idea that money can't make you happy. Sure it can. Getting paid on time and being paid the value of your work can make one very very happy. And I wish this for you. I hope it gets better.

  3. Ha ha Sharon I love the Andy Capp reference. Perhaps I should put money on a magnet.