Friday, April 19, 2013

Some hot tea Dahling while you hang on and hang on and hang on?

I work part-time as a PA.  A few days ago I applied online for visas for my boss and his wife.

There are only about a gazillion questions in an application.  Some of them are quite challenging, we had to exhume my boss' parents to measure the length of their toes, etc.

Because they are going to the UK again after 6 months, my boss asked me to apply for a 12 month visa.  After the long drawn out process is completed, they give the amount that you have to pay this is apparently due to the fact that exchange rates fluctuate.  Could they not do a price of the different Visas on a separate schedule that takes in account the exchange fluctuations?

BUT

Then again the visa application takes so long the price could change a million times.

Alright so after this LOOOOONNNNNG drawn out process.   My boss decides it is probably much cheaper to get a 6 months visa and apply again in 6 months.

I log in online.  This should be simple right?  All I have to do is change from 12 months to 6 months.  All the freaking fecking asswipe website will let me do is go to payment.  I DONT WANT TO PAY I WANT TO CHANGE THE FREAKING FECKING APPLICATION.

So I google and I find the SA call centre number.  YEAH, now I am going to find out what to do right???

An automated voice of a man who obviously had a hot potato stuck up his ass answers.
Try having a conversation with a robotic butler

Thank you for calling the British Visas, blah blah blah blah,
Did you know that you can apply for a visa online going to www.wearegoingmesswithyourhead.com

Yes I know that but I have a problem with that, that is why I am calling.

Note that there is a fake website www.wearegoingtomesswithyourheadandtakeyourmoney.com.  Please be advised that this website has scammed many people out of their money.

Thank you for advising me, I saw that site it was obviously fake, the spelling was a dead give away.

British hot potato guy waffles on and on and on.  I would prefer annoying music.  I am starting to wonder how many hot potatoes are stuck up his ass.

Finally,

If you want to apply for a  visit visa  Press 1
If you want to find out about residency Press 2

etc etc, no option for difficulties or to speak to an operator.

I will have to wait for the repeat of the menu options again.

Hot potato man comes on again.


Thank you for calling the British Visas, blah blah blah blah.

Did you know that you can apply for a visa online? Going to www.wearegoingmesswithyourhead.com.  Note that there is a fake website www.wearegoingtomesswithyourheadandtakeyourmoney.com.  Please be advised that this website has scammed many people out of their money.


I fucking know all that, I just want to speak to somebody that can help me.

Hot Potato guy waffles on and on and on.

Finally the menu options.

I choose 1.

British hot potato man is back telling me all about how I complete the online application.  I listen to the 15 min tutorial and then I choose to go back to the main menu as this is the only option.


Hot potato man comes on again.




Thank you for calling the British Visas, blah blah blah blah.

Did you know that you can apply for a visa online? Going to www.wearegoingmesswithyourhead.com.  Note that there is a fake website www.wearegoingtomesswithyourheadandtakeyourmoney.com.  Please be advised that this website has scammed many people out of their money.


Hot Potato guy waffles on and on and on.

Finally the menu options.


I choose 2.

Same thing again.

I come to the realisation that there are no human beings at this call centre.

I decide to email them.

I expect to get an automated email saying,  something like ,

Do you want a holiday visa?  Type 1 Do you want a working visa?  Type 2

Fortunately either a really clever cyborg or an actual human replies, with bad news.

I have to start the application from scratch to apply for a 6 month visa.  I cried a little after that.



3 comments:

  1. That is one frustrating story. I've had similar experiences with robotic potato heads, and it's never a good party. It's the robots that make you speak into the phone that are my favorites. And then they can't make out what you're saying, even if you enunciate as clearly as 'humanly' possible. Though yelling loudly into the phone doesn't help them understand any better, you just can't help yourself.

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  2. Ha ha yes Stephanie those voice recognition things are terrible. I am also guilty of having shouted at a few.

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