A very long time ago something terrible was done to my family.
People kept telling me I must forgive and forget.
I felt and still feel that this person did not deserve my forgiveness that forgiving this person would make what was done acceptable.
I had a very wise friend who knew my story she herself had been through a horrific ordeal. She was gang raped by a group of men. Like me she felt these men did not deserve any forgiveness.
One day we sat talking about forgiveness and she said something very interesting.
"You do not have to forgive this person for what was done but you do need to forgive yourself."
When bad things happen we often harbour terrible guilt thinking what we could have done differently.
She also said:
"When we make bad decisions or choices, do we have a looking glass into the future? None of us do so at the time we think we are making the best choice or decision. When I decided to cut through that park, that morning to catch my bus, my mind was on getting to work on time, I had no way of knowing those men were there and what they were going to do to me. I used to make myself crazy thinking what if I had walked the long way round that day"
I still do not believe everybody deserves our forgiveness but I do believe that forgiving yourself frees you.