Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I don't want to get up

I get mildly depressed.  I am fortunate really, I have never been suicidal or felt complete despair.

When I am depressed:

  •  everything seems dimmer, it's as if the colour has been removed.




  •  I have a physical ache around my heart, I am tearful 
  •  When my family are laughing and joking I battle to feel the fun.
  •  I don't want to do anything.


Winter aggravates my depression, May to August are difficult months from me.  I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder. 


I think it is psychologically affected by the fact that 14 years ago I moved to Johannesburg in the middle of winter from a very hot climate.  I went through the most traumatic experience of my life.  I associate winter in Johannesburg with this trauma.  It also does not help that Johannesburg is very bleak in the winter.  Johannesburg does not get rain in winter and there is a lot of frost.  Below is a willow tree that we could see from the house we used to live in. See the contrast between summer and winter.

Michael and I were married under this tree


I am going through a bad spell at the moment.

When I am going through these spells I think of the song, "Aint no sunshine when she's gone away"

A part of me is gone away.  Which version do you like the most Bill Withers or Lenny Kravitz?  I like both equally Lenny has the plus of being super smexy.





Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Denial

I love this pic that Jess took of her friend in dance class

This glorious Sunday past we had a lovely family lunch I had not seen my sister since her birthday so I invited  her for a late birthday lunch.

Of course we chatted about all kinds of things.  My sister suffered from severe depression which culminated in her doing really crazy things before she was treated.

I started saying that I don't have problems with depression.

Jess and Penny looked at me funny.

Jess:

"Mom you barely left your bedroom for months last year."

Me:

"But I was just sad with all the things that happened."

Jess and Penny:

"DEPRESSION."

I remember around the same time having an argument with a doctor that I went to see telling him that I was not depressed, just a little sad.

After having bad flu two months ago, I withdrew from the world for a while.  I convinced myself that I was recuperating.