Sunday, December 11, 2011

Teenage Stalker

Yesterday Jess had a party.  Jess’ birthday was in November slap in the middle of her exams so we delayed the party till yesterday.  Usually this time of year nobody pitches up for parties because they have left on holiday already but she had quite a large turnout.

As Jess is the youngest, Michael and I are seasoned teenage party parents.  It helped that we had Raewyn to keep an eye as well.  We always used to mingle and party with the teens but Jess kept making comments like,

“I hope you are not going to hang around.”

A little hurt we sought refuge in our other lounge, which is fortunately rather sound proof.  From time to time I would go and check that nothing dangerous was happening.  We kept most of the bedrooms locked to prevent “liaisons”.   I don’t want any parents counting 9 months back to the party at our house.............

Any way by the time there were more teens around and Jess was over chasing us away, we went to mingle a bit and found that we did not really want to.

Michael and I both ended up sleeping in the lounge as there was too much noise reaching the bedroom.
In the morning Michael said to me,

“The party seemed to go well and the kids seemed to behave reasonably well but it was the noisiest party ever.”

To which I replied:

“No dear, the party was not noisier than ever, you are getting old.”

I also reminded him that in parties past he was the noisiest.  In the early hours of the morning when most of the teens had all started to pass out, Michael would start playing music, really loud.

This is what would usually happen:

Me:  “Michael we have neighbours, turn that down.”

Michael:  “Its not that loud.”

Me:  “The whole house is shaking I think it’s a sign”

Michael: “Ok lovey but seeing you are up listen to this song with me.”


Michael:  “If you don’t stay for the song I am going to turn it up again.”

Me:   “Fucking black mailer”

I used to call him the teenage stalker; now before you call child line let me explain.   One of our daughters would have a party and one of the people having the most fun would be Michael.  Living in an all girl household he really enjoyed being able to talk boy stuff with the teenage boys.

After a few beers he would get stuck on discussing “Random numbers”.   This became such a problem that we banned anybody bringing up the topic.  Basically if I remember right his theory was something like nothing is completely random if “random” numbers are generated by a computer, they are not random because there is still a program.  He could carry on with this topic for hours.  Once you had escaped him he would find his next victim to argue his case with until, everyone had gone to sleep.  We lived out of town on a plot at the time so most of the teens would sleep over and there would be mattresses strewn all over our lounge.

Michael’s victims were usually the girl's boyfriends who funny enough all think he great, he would shake them by their shoulders.

Michael :
“Jason, Jason are you sleeping?”
(Now if I were Jason I would have said)

“No I am pig farming, what the fuck dude can’t you see I am lieing down and my eyes are closed.”
But because Jason is a lot politer than I am:

“Yes, I am sleeping”
Michael because he is persistent:

“Come have a cigarette with me, I just wanted to tell you another point that I thought about random numbers........”

Then if Michael’s teenage stalking did not work he would come and wake me up.
Michael shaking my shoulder violently:

“Vivian, Vivian are you sleeping.”

“Not any more”

“I was just thinking about random numbers......”

“It is 4 in the morning, go and wake up one of the teenagers”


“They won’t wake up”


“MMmm I wonder why”

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